A new writing class and an old ache

Three things happened today, all about writing. The first is that Jonathan Rogers’ Writing With Flannery O’Connor class started. The second was a Rabbit Room post which pierced me through.

That writing class has already given me a lot to think about and anticipate, even though so far i’ve only read one essay and listened to a related short lecture. But the Rabbit Room post woke up my old fears about being behind and leaving stories unwritten.

The third thing that happened was that in response to the Rabbit Room post i finally began the practice of writing morning pages. It was well past morning by the time i did this, but i am glad i didn’t wait until the “proper” time. i also filled out a Hebrew paradigm, for the first time since finals week ended. i am not quite as rusty as i feared.

“The hardest thing in this world is to live in it”1—and the hardest thing about writing is writing. i am fighting a constant battle against desire and futility and the need to create. i know i am not alone in this. It is easy to look around and see that others are succeeding where i am afraid of trying, and to despair of even beginning. But i have begun. i forget this over and over again.

So fall or fly,
i’ll try.
i’ll open my eyes
and dive.

And maybe, just maybe, one day at a time, i’ll learn to trust the coming resurrection.


1Buffy the Vampire Slayer, 5×22, “The Gift.”

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